Communication – how do you do it?

Mercury is the tool planet associated with communication of all kinds and in all forms, but before we even get to words, we are able to communicate in so many varied and diverse ways – we smile, scowl, turn up our noses, grit our teeth, pull funny faces, frown, glower, raise an eyebrow, wink, grimace – and that’s just a few of the many facial expressions we have at our disposal.

Body language speaks in volumes too – hand gestures (from friendly waves to giving the finger), taking an open stance with arms held loosely by the side, or a closed-off defensive or protected stance with arms crossed over the body, legs crossed protectively as we sit, or legs wide open and splayed out (sorry guys, it’s usually men who do this) in a “power” pose.

Arms, hands, fingers can also speak. Watch people being interviewed on TV (politicians are fair game here!). Does what is being said concur with what the limbs are saying? How the head is held? And how the eyes are engaged or not. Are they shifty or focussed on something else? And that’s before we get to voice, tone of voice and use of words.

An interesting view of how we interact with one another is worth a look. Virginia Satir’s Methods of Communication makes a lot of sense. My experience as a facilitator in practical group work in some of the psychosynthesis/self-awareness trainings I’ve been involved in delivering bears this out. We had a lot of fun and learning, taking on each of these roles in turn, so as to experience them, and with a thumbnail situation to role play within, they are:

The Blamer, who shifts the onus as far away from his/herself by throwing blame on others

The Placator, who tries to please & doesn’t want to upset things

The Distractor, who changes the subject as fast as possible

The Computor, who is logical and factual but is also totally unemotional as he or she doles out the dry facts

The Leveller however is where it’s at. Levelling is about being honest, truthful, coming from what is known as your centre in psychoynthesis terms. Even if you’ve never heard of “the (your!) centre” before, you will have a sense of  what it means.

It means to be solid, honest, secure,  true and “right on” in what you’re saying and doing, to be authentic…..if you’re coming from this place, and are levelling (like speaking your own truth and admitting you don’t always know the answers to things), people will respect you and believe you. You will be credible because of your vulnerability and authenticity.